Happiness Is Overrated

(This arti­cle is cross-posted at the Huff­in­g­ton Post)

I’m really not a cur­mud­geon, I’m just not a huge fan of hap­pi­ness. Please don’t get me wrong. I’m not anti-happiness either. I just don’t believe that, in spite of what our fore­fa­thers pro­claimed, life is about its pur­suit. Those who chase it, end up mostly being unhappy. Hap­pi­ness is okay, it’s just over­rated in my book.

And here’s the irony: I spend a lot of time being happy. But it’s not because I’m try­ing to be happy. It’s because I’m busy being present and in the moment. And in the moment, with­out effort, hap­pi­ness lives, like the air you breathe. It’s right there, on the very next breath.

As the Bud­dha taught, it’s the attach­ment to hap­pi­ness that gets us in trou­ble. Seems to me like pur­su­ing it is the equiv­a­lent of being attached. Yet some peo­ple make a liv­ing out of teach­ing oth­ers how to be happy. No offense, but mak­ing a project out of pur­su­ing hap­pi­ness doesn’t sound like much fun to me, it sounds like work.

I think hap­pi­ness hap­pens when we’re not “try­ing” so hard, when we’re not totally obsessed with “being happy” but rather liv­ing in the nat­ural flow of our soul’s agenda. Hap­pi­ness is a by-product of being aligned with one’s spirit, liv­ing with an open heart, and express­ing one’s authen­tic passion.

Do all that and you’ll be happy. Maybe. Or not. Because hap­pi­ness is elu­sive, like a but­ter­fly that lights on your shoul­der. It’s there for a moment and then gone. Try to cap­ture it and you’ll dam­age its wings, ren­der­ing it inca­pable of fly­ing. Rather than try­ing to guard and hoard it, hap­pi­ness, like the but­ter­fly, is to be appre­ci­ated and cel­e­brated dur­ing its visit and allowed to move on when it’s time to move on.

We only cling to the idea of hap­pi­ness because we fear we might not have it again. In our cling­ing, we miss the very moment of its ripeness, the mys­tery of its col­ors, its fra­grance, its del­i­cacy, the very thing itself. We clip its wings and crush it with our fear almost guar­an­tee­ing that we’ll lose it: a self-fulfilling prophecy.

There are many approaches that teach how to increase one’s chances for attain­ing hap­pi­ness and that’s all well and good. I highly endorse med­i­ta­tion, a pow­er­ful prac­tice with enor­mous ben­e­fits to body, mind and spirit. I med­i­tate, not to achieve hap­pi­ness, but to enter into the silence and still­ness, which is a wel­come respite from the outer “noise” of liv­ing. I med­i­tate to quiet and calm my mon­key mind, to come into a close con­nec­tion with the divine, to release stress, and to get right with me. All of which makes me enor­mously joyful.

Now let’s talk joy for a moment. This, I can get on board with. One doesn’t pur­sue joy. Joy is a deeper state than hap­pi­ness, not depen­dent upon exter­nal cir­cum­stances for its abil­ity to be expe­ri­enced and felt. Joy is what you feel when you’ve told your deep­est truths, even if those truths make you feel sad­ness in the telling. Joy is present in loss as well as in full­ness. Joy is know­ing that you have not com­pro­mised your self, that you’ve lived up to your own stan­dards of hon­esty and integrity. Joy is know­ing that you’ve made some­body else’s life a bit eas­ier, that you’ve loved well, that you’ve looked your fear in the face and had the courage to do what you needed to do anyway.

I think most peo­ple seek hap­pi­ness, but really want to feel joy. Joy is a more permanent-like state. The Dalai Lama is joy­ful. Even in exile, even with his peo­ple suf­fer­ing under the tyranny of China, his energy is light, play­ful, even mis­chie­vous. He doesn’t take any­thing per­son­ally; he does not carry bur­dens. His heart is clear — he is at peace.

Joy is a state born out of being at peace with your­self. Want to be joy­ful? Set­tle old scores and don’t be attached to how it comes out. Let the other guy win. Fin­ish your unfin­ished busi­ness. Don’t leave any dan­gling par­tici­ples behind. Clean up your act.

Joy incor­po­rates both the agony and the ecstasy of exis­tence. It requires that you make a vow to your­self, to live your life for bet­ter and for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sick­ness and in health, til death do you part.

I’ll take joy any day over hap­pi­ness, even know­ing that in so doing, I open myself to the pain of liv­ing a full-out, no-holds-barred kind of life. But I’m not attached!

What do you think? Would you rather be happy or joy­ful? Who is your favorite role model for joy?

Please leave a com­ment here or feel free to con­tact me per­son­ally at judith@judithrich.com.

And above all, don’t worry: be joy­ful and en-joy many bless­ings on the path.

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